Will sing for toast....

Got sent this by a mate who studies in Manchester

I'm going out on a limb here but bear with me. football sides are all about non-footballing revenue these days and you'd have to wonder about financial funny bunny's going on behind the scenes with personal sponsors wanting to get their star players to teams with their name on the shirt. nike's (united's shirt sponsor) new advertising campaign centres around rooney, ronaldo, torres, ronaldinho etc. no secret in SAF admiration for torres and nike's belief in his marketability, so then with the shirt numbers at united being ronaldo 7, rooney 8. .doesn't torres have 9 tattooed on his wrist?! Number 10 u may ask? Whats the number behind ronaldinho's new clothing line? hahaha torres makes sense as united's global appeal will sell more shirts than atletico (better off for torres and nike) and you'd reckon sales would go through the roof if ronaldinho joined him at united. rumours of beckham also make sense because united will erase their debts far quicker with shirt sales rather than european glory. if the glazer's are smart investors, which they are, i would believe the cost of transfers of these players (could be upwards of 50 million pounds) would be paid back to them with interest by shirt sales etc and nike would surely also be willing to chip in! just a thought from an economics student!

If only

I am sure Rossler is about to post about how annoying I have been all day about World of Warcraft, but any minute I am about to jump on the bike and rush home to play the most amazing game in the world. I haven't been this excited since the days of going home to Final Fantasy 7, I may actually watch myself

So watch out, cause my social life is about to go down the pan!

As we gaze into the navel of English football and pick out the expensive and useless bits of fluff that pass for footballers these days, it's hard to remember the heady days of England 5, Andorra 0, isn't it?

I watched the game with my grand-daughter, Ruby Robson, on me lap - it's important for even the tiniest English person to be aware of just how bloody frustrating life can be.

I've heard the phrase 'reality check' being bandied about after this result. No. A reality check would be making Ashley Cole live in a council flat off the jobseekers' allowance for a week.

England are not very good. Well, defensively they are fine. Ledley King was masterful. It's just everywhere else.

Gerrard - either stay out on the right or hack Lamps in training so you can have his shift. Carrick - despite the ritual half-time love-in from Hansen and co, I still think you do next to nowt.

Downing - he's a Boro lad but actually no, son, you are officially not up to it. And I know Ronaldinho Crouch has a nice ring to it, but your name is Peter and you don't score from acute angles.

Rooney - ah Rooney. What's happened to the boy blunder? Looks like his boots are a size too big and he's packed cotton wool in them as wadding.

I think the red card against the Winker and co has taken the edge off him. He's scared of getting another one and as a consequence he looks like he's going to get another one.

You'd give him a rest but then Defoe would be on instead and well... there's always Theo...? Nah!

I wouldn't mind but the Scots keep winning (OK, well done). Next thing we know there'll be a Scottish Prime Minister.

What are the tactics right now? It's like schoolboy footie. Plan A - give it to the really good lad who might get you a goal (Gerrard). Plan B - get the tallest kid to to play centre-forward and lump it in his direction.

If, as rumours suggested, the players are dictating teams and formation, then it just go to show how stupid footballers can be.

"What would you do if you were manager, Robbo?" I hear you cry. Well I'd put together a team that failed so utterly the FA would have to sack me and I'd be on 13 grand a day for the rest of me life.

Two Crackers off the Beeb webble site, the first from a chap on the 606

However, if I could be bothered I'd go for a 3-5-2. (Let's face it 1-8-1 would be an improvement.) A back three of Terry, Ferdinand, Neville. A midfield five of Wright-Phillips, Rooney, King, Lampard (while Gerrard is suspended), and Richardson, and Crouch and Johnson up front. Madness. We'd lose 5-4. But it wouldn't be dull.

Lord save us from more dull. If this team were a paint they'd be magnolia, if they were a pop star they'd be James Blunt, if they were a town they'd be Telford.

These players are world-class we're told - until they play with each other, when they become third-class.

Why don't we ask Walter Smith how to put a team together? In fact, let's just ask Terry Venables to do the job properly.

And secondly on the funnies page:

Italy defender Marco Materazzi will publish a joke book linked to the infamous headbutting incident with Zindine Zidane in the World Cup final against France. It is called "What I really said to Zidane" and consists of 249 phrases he might have said to the Frenchman.

Cant quite understand why there are 249......

After recent comments by Rossler (well said son, well said!) I have started to invite people to join in with the Blog. Basically you will be given a username and password and you will have access to write on this blog (as well as create your own if you wish), just be a pretty ace way to keep everyone together and know what everyone is doing without having to rush about!

Let me know through email, text, myspazz or whatever (Ralph just come upstairs!) and we will add you on!

Joke Shop Man:Yes Pal can I help you?
Customer:I am just browsing
Joke Shop Man:Sorry chief didnt catch that
Customer:Oh im just looking around
Joke Shop Man:Straight out the door turn left right up the old road
Customer:Sorry?
Joke Shop Man:Thats the way to the bleeding library alright?
Customer:Isn't this the joke shop?
Joke Shop Man:Three pairs of plastic tits in the window, a jar of fart sweets on the counter no mate, its the bleeding butchers Jesus.
Joke Shop Man:Yes this is the Joke Shop, Joke being the operative word so if you've just come here to laugh at the bumper stickers and the wind up willies, you can clear off out of it now
Customer:No I am going to be making a purchase
Joke Shop Man:Well whoopee-bleeding-doo
What is it then stag night?
Customer:Hmm?
Joke Shop Man:Going to a stag night need something a bit saucy, come here I got just the thing
Customer:What is it?
Joke Shop Man:Well sprinkle it in the grooms undies the night before the wedding, gives him crabs! Its crabs eggs innit, hatch out of his bush overnight next day stood at the alter, misses next to him and all he can think about is scratchin his bleeding jewels because they're covered in crabs, its blinding innit four pound fifty?
Customer:What?
Joke Shop Man:Alright four quid
Customer:No, no I am after something more specific
Joke Shop Man:Alright, what about these, hot sweets? Give 'em the best man before he makes his speech
Customer:Hot sweets? Whats in them pepper?
Joke Shop Man:Pottasium, burns the roof of his mouth off and his tongue, never talk again
Customer:No its not quite what im after
Joke Shop Man:Alright hold your horses chief I know I got something for you, what about this, couple of drops of this in the brides champagne and she'll wet herself
Customer:Whats so funny about it
Joke Shop Man:Nah dont make her laugh, she wets herself, cant stop wetting herself goes on for hours, its a muscle relaxing I got a mate who works for a drugs company he knocks them out for fifteen quid

Well,

the washing machine is broke, yet again, and after everything started getting mega smelly I decided that it was time to go down to Morals to get some God damn washing done. So here I am in the new looking Clive Booth computer rooms (they look exactly the same!)

But the washing is almost done and I think I need another pint, anyways rant over and return to your business.

Vernon Kay, I HATE YOU

Ole Gunnar Solskjear rules :)

Night y'all

Yes I have a horrific hangover, and I may moan about it quite a lot so if I see you today, and your like "Hey Daz how are you?" and I swear, I apologise profus.. profusel... I CANT SPELL NOW. Its always a bugger when your so bollocksed that your vocabulary goes bye bye, I have so much work to do as well!
He did say he misses us though, which was ever so sweet, and I got completely paraletic and had an awesome Chinese meal and I left home with only a fiver! How amazing, very amazing!

Hmmmm....

"London's busiest jail is "overrun with cockroaches" and has an "unusually high" number of assault allegations against staff, a report has said."

Is there only me thinking "Good"?

Ms Owers' report also said inmates at the prison in Islington, north London, lacked basic requirements such as pillows, while at times there was not enough food.

....Awwww didums, if you wanted to lie on a nice bed with a soft white pillow and have your breakfest brought to you in bed my I suggest the Hilton? Or the Dorchester in London is very nice. I wouldn't on the other hand suggest killing someone in order to go on a holiday

Maybe its just 9am on a Thursday and my head hurts